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Derek met Sarah on Only Fans

An annual subscription to her platinum plan

He took her to lunch at the Honky Tonk

Several months later he thought that he'd ask

"Are we just friends?"

Just friends?

They'd walk the sea front hand-in-hand

He thought she was the best thing that he'd ever had

But his simping smile nearly cost him his life

Misguided idolizing was nothing but strife

He'd answer her calls at 3am

Collect her from hotels like the Premier Inn

One night she got drunk and offered Ménage à trois

And that's the day that Derek met Mustafa

"Are we just friends?"

Just friends?

Just friends?

Just friends?

She needs someone to share her troubles

She needs someone to rely on

She needs someone to talk to

She said she loves you

Like a brother

But what about the evenings?

He'd keep you warm and safe at night

But what about the money?

The financed car and the rent?

But what about diamonds?

The gold cards and rescinded debts?

And Derek's heart? Split in two when you say

"We're just friends"

Just friends

Just friends

Just friends

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